Into the Moonlight
by Aldatariel Calentaur
Summary: Torn between the needs of drow society and her own true feelings, young Ereltree Hlaghym tries even harder to hide from herself what she doesn't want to realize. There is no other way than to follow Lolth - or is there? Pre-HotU, the Seer. Drow cruelty.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of this story, it all belongs to Bioware, Hasbro and Wizards of the Coast.

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><p>This short story has been on my harddisk for several years now. Originally it was meant to be part of a HotU fanfic  story collection. As it is finished the remaining chapters will follow soon.

Many thanks to **quickthorn** for all her advice and help.

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><p><span>Menzoberranzan, in the year of 4951 (1034 DR)<span>

_Follow me._

So she saw those pictures again and this time, Ereltree Hlaghym heard a voice inside her head, too.

A tall ebony-skinned woman, slender at the brink of fragility like any drow, was dancing to an unheard tune, her ankle-long silver hair following each of her moves. The dancer was of almost unearthly beauty, as were her surroundings. From the black ceiling tiny lamps sparkled, a softly glowing orb bathed the exotic landscape in its silver light.

Not knowing what the image of the amazingly beautiful dark elf meant, the young drow noble was sure of one fact, though: that it was not Lolth, the Spider Queen.

Life never had been easy for the drow maiden and it had gotten worse during her first year at Arach-Tinilith, the academy for noble drow woman who wanted to become Priestess of Lolth, the merciless dark elven Goddess. The High Priestess had become suspicious already, after Ereltree had used one of her own potions to heal another young drow girl instead of letting her die. Mercy was not the way of the drow, there wasn't even a word for this _ouwaela*._ To make it worse, the youngest Hlaghym daughter once had doubted the superiority of the female gender, had dared to ask why all males had to be servants. It almost had cost her everything.

Power, ambition, hierarchy. Ereltree never had liked the idea, but if she wanted to survive or even achieve a high rank in the society, she had to accept that they meant everything. She was a noble female after all, not a lesser _jaluk*_ or even a _rivvil*_. She would have to live with it, as those were their ways, the way of the drow how the Spider Queen wanted them to be.

_Follow me._

With her friendly smile, the naked drow seemed to invite Ereltree to join the dance.

_Who is she? What is this place? I have never seen a landscape like this._

The young drow woman was more than a bit curious. No cave in the whole of _Har'Oloth*_ looked like this. Menzoberranzan, illuminated by flickering fairy fires of different colors aplenty had its own unique beauty - albeit a cold, lethal beauty - but the silver sphere and the diminutive light dots of that strange faraway scene shone so bright it hurt Ereltree's eyes. Their beauty touched her heart in a way she never had known before.

_I am the Dark Maiden, the Lady of the Dance, the Dancer in the Moonlight, the one who brings you what you have been longing for all of your life. Come, follow me and join the dance._

The young woman raised her head from the water bowl, confused. Had she heard a voice in her head - or was it only a false memory? Were those pictures visions or was she showing the first signs of mental sickness, like the others always said? Ereltree would finish her first year at the academy tomorrow. Risen in dark elven society, the young drow woman knew nothing but what she had been taught. Hearing voices and seeing pictures no one else noticed couldn't be a good sign. Or was Lolth testing her, did she have to prove that she was worthy? She made her decision: she would ignore the foolish dreams, fight them back, whatever they meant.

"Leave me alone! You are not real," the young woman hissed, "go away and never come back!"

During the next years Ereltree worked harder than ever, praying to Lolth more often and intensely than anyone else. She would become a priestess, and no one would stop her.

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><p>ouwaela - foolishness<br>jaluk - male  
>rivvil - surface dweller<br>Har'Oloth - the Underdark  
>Erel (name prefix) - eye, moon, spy<br>tree (name suffix) - exile, loner, outcast, pariah  
>Hla (house name prefix) - Seers of<br>ghym (house name suffix) - the Forgotten Ways


	2. Chapter 2

Forty-nine years later.

_Follow me._

Oh no, not again... The voices and visions had come back from time to time but always had stopped after a while. Ignoring them and praying to Lolth always had worked. Until today.

_Leave me alone. You are not real. Lolth Ultrine*, I always do thy bidding, please give me a sign, how I may please you, and I shall do as asked. Do you want me to poison that Zauzynge iblith*? She's weak…_

"You are not real," Ereltree prayed, "Lolth be praised!"

_Follow me. There is something I have to show you._

The apprentice shook her head. _Why me? I have done nothing to deserve this, it wasn't me who dropped the water bowl. It wasn't me who recited the wrong prayer._ "Didn't I tell you to go away? Bother someone else. You," The Hlaghym noble declaimed her usual words, "don't exist."

_I have chosen you because you are not like the others._

_Xsa'us_!* Why didn't the voice stop? Hadn't the priestess apprentice concentrated enough? _A natha orbb's lael da'uren_*, she was in her last year at Arach-Tinilith and one of the most promising priestess apprentices! Nothing would keep her from becoming a powerful priestess of Lolth! One day a High Priestess even, if everything worked out as she had planned. The smell of the incense - made of wild rothé's gonadal secretion - she used during her rituals to worship Lolth suddenly made the drow woman cough.

"You are…," Ereltree repeated once more, interrupted by another coughing fit, "… not real."

_Aren't your eyes blue in the spectrum of light? Don't you long for more than just power from time to time?_

"Shut up, phantasm!" the dark elven woman snarled, annoyed that the voice still wasn't gone.

That she had blue eyes was unusual enough, but it surely meant nothing at all. Light was painful anyway and only needed for reading, so who cared about one's eye color unveiled only by a candle or light spell? Worse was that this cursed voice had brought back to Ereltree's mind what she tried to avoid pondering at all cost. Angry at herself, the woman forced herself to ignore the disturbing thought that it was the truth. That all too often she felt like there was something missing in her life.

_Look into your heart. You know that you are different. That you don't belong here._

"Stop this idiotic game and go out of my head!"

The drow noble insisted loud enough to drown out her own doubtful thoughts. Someone would have to pay for it later, probably the Zauzynge daughter. It wasn't the other drow woman's fault, of course, but punishing others helped Ereltree to forget about her own unsureness, even though it didn't give her any pleasure.

_Aren't there still doubts deep inside you? How can you be a priestess or even High Priestess of Lolth when you aren't entirely sure?_

Ereltree closed her eyes, only to see the awfully beautiful face of a smiling silver-haired drow in front of her, a picture she had learned to hate from the bottom of her heart.

"YOU ARE NOT REAL!"

Now the Hlaghym woman was screaming, making the glass vials on the cupboard clink. She would have killed that impertinent person immediately - slowly, to increase the pain - but how do you kill a voice which doesn't even exist outside your own head? Worst of all was that the voice was right: sometimes Ereltree wasn't sure at all that she liked the way she lived.

_Why don't you just look? Where is the harm? If there is nothing, you have proven once and for all that I am not more than your personal phantasm._

The priestess apprentice, fearing that the others might have heard her outburst, lowered her voice. "Why should I? You are not real anyway. I won't believe you anything, save your lies for someone else! If you still don't understand: You are just a bad dream, you don't exist!"

Dismissing the disturbing thought that she was arguing with an illusion, Ereltree found that it had a point. If she looked at whatever was – NOT - there, of course, finding nothing would reassure her that the voice was just an illusion and thus rid her of her deeply hidden doubts.

_Come and see. Think of it. If you insist, I'll leave you to Lolth and this will be the last time that I have spoken to you._

Ereltree shrugged. The prospect of never being tortured by this voice again was enough to make it worth a try. "Never again? Good. Now let's go over with it. Immediately!"

The still-young dark elf wasn't able to hide her impatience and a hint of what might be curiosity. A glowing ball of silvery light appeared, floating in the air and apparently waiting for the Hlaghym noble to follow. After a moment of hesitation, Ereltree started to move. It was all she could do anyway.

Out of her chamber the light guided her, out of the academy and through the streets of Menzoberranzan. The Hlaghym woman cursed herself under her breath for her foolishness. What if someone saw her? Weird enough, the streets were empty and she even didn't stumble upon a slave or animal. The light stopped at a circular building which in earlier times stood in a dark side passage not far from the academy. The tower of punishment? Ereltree, still following the soft silver light, stepped through the heavy iron gates which were mysteriously open. Like before, she didn't see a single creature on her way downstairs to the deepest dungeons. Here, in front of a small iron cage hanging from the ceiling, the silver orb stopped and vanished.

Nothing, like she had expected. Only dirt and old rags smelling of moulder, dust and dried blood, probably the clothing of a former prisoner. Glad that this madness finally was over, Ereltree started to turn and walk back when suddenly a movement caught her eye and she heard a moan.

Inside the rags a skeleton-like creature was hidden, a drow woman, almost starved to death, her parchment-like skin scarred beyond recognition, her empty eye sockets seeming large in her skeletal face. How could this prisoner still be alive? She even smiled when Ereltree carefully drew nearer and started to speak, her voice a hoarse whisper, but understandable.

"Thank you, Eilistraee."

"Eilistraee?" The Hlaghym noble asked, shocked by the gruesome sight, even though she never would admit it. "The Spider Queen's cursed daughter? _Oloth plynn ilta!_* Who are you? Was it she who did this to you?" Why did the flayed creature thank her Goddess then? Ereltree suddenly realized how illogical it seemed.

"Thank you, my Goddess, for sending me this sign." Still smiling, the prisoner continued her prayer.

"What are you speaking of?" The dark elven apprentice demanded.

"So my life wasn't wasted. Praise to thee, praise to the moonlight!" She was too weak to move even a hand, nevertheless the barely living drow woman tried to raise her head.

"Stop talking nonsense and answer my questions, _iblith*_!" Ereltree ordered, leaving no doubt that she wouldn't allow any disobedience, her bold behavior hiding her own confusion.

_She can't see or hear you. She's blind and deaf. They burned her eyes and inner ears with torrid needles before they left her to rot._

The Hlaghym woman involuntarily shuddered. She had lived in Menzoberranzan long enough to learn many ways of torturing those who deserved it, but what had been done to this prisoner disgusted her.

"How can she know that someone is here?"

_She feels our presence. Look at her. She had to suffer indescribable pain, but there still is enough hope in her heart to make her smile in spite of her gruesome fate._

No one deserved what that wretched creature had experienced. Ereltree felt something rising inside her heart she almost had forgotten. How could anyone do something so horrible to a living being? "Who is that poor creature? What has she done? Who did this to her?"

_She is a priestess of Eilistraee who was caught and punished by the followers of Lolth. All she did was helping others and trying to make them and herself happy._

"She is a criminal, a traitor. She has forsaken Lolth!" The dark elven apprentice tried to rectify the cruel deed, tried to convince herself that the Lolth priestesses had done the right thing

_Is it a crime to bring others joy?_

"If she was punished, she surely deserved it…," Ereltree stated, more to reassure herself than to answer the question. "Why is she still alive? Wouldn't it be better for her if she was dead?"

_Maybe. Maybe not. She has been waiting for a sign, the sign she now got._

"Why doesn't her Goddess come then and free her," the Hlaghym woman demanded angrily, "where is this Eilistraee? She has forsaken this pitiful creature."

_That is what Lolth would do, but never Eilistraee._

"No, Lolth would never give up her true believers." But was the woman who would be ordained priestess of Lolth in a few weeks really sure? Trying to find an argument to stick up for the Spider Queen first, after a while she decided to insult and condemn the other Goddess instead. "And where is Eilistraee now? Why doesn't she help her priestess?"

There was no answer.

"What do you want from me?" It wasn't really a question, Ereltree was sure she knew already what was expected from her: she would have to kill the other drow woman. But somehow it didn't feel right. And which was more important: if she got caught, she would be punished herself.

The tortured priestess of Eilistraee had started praying again, the words no longer understandable, but words weren't needed to recognize that the poor creature couldn't bear the pain any longer.

"Stop this, " the Hlaghym noble pleaded, not wanting to watch any longer, but unable to look away at the same time, "it is…"

_Cruel? Merciless? __Yes it is. Like you said, she has forsaken Lolth and deserves to be punished._

"_Nau!_*" Ereltree screamed, horrified. "No, please…" Her hands searching for the knife she always carried with her she finally gave up her reluctance. She would end the tormented creature's life, giving her the relief she cried for.

Suddenly the room began to spin around Ereltree, the last thing she saw being a scene she wouldn't forget easily. A split second later she found herself back inside her chamber, panting, her heart racing, her head dizzy.

Down in the dungeons, the shape of a woman suddenly had taken form. It had been the same beautiful dancing drow, the priestess apprentice had seen so often in water bowls, underground lakes and when she had closed her eyes. Embracing the poor prisoner the apparition had smiled at Ereltree, then the two figures had dissolved into nothingness, leaving only a rotten corpse wrapped into stinking bloodstained rags.

A nightmare, albeit the most realistic one the Hlaghym woman had ever had, but still only a bad dream. It had to be.

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><p>Lolth Ultrine - Highest Lolth<br>iblith - excrement, offal, scum  
>Xsa'us! - Damned!<br>a natha orbb's lael da'uren - by a spider's eight legs  
>Oloth plynn ilta! - Darkness seize her!<br>Nau! - No!  
>Zau (house name prefix) - Children of<br>zynge (house name suffix) - the ruins


	3. Chapter 3

Whack! The whip hit its aim hard, ripping off parts off the skin thus leaving a bloody red patch of raw meat on the svirfneblin's back. Her face expressionless, Ereltree struck out again, much to the High Priestess' pleasure who nodded approvingly.

In spite of her earlier questionable tendencies the young Hlaghym daughter had learned the way of the drow well, maybe a little too well, but that would be Matron Hlaghym's problem.

"Go on with the punishment," the High Priestess left her instructions, "but don't kill him. Prepare yourself for the meeting when you're finished." Without looking back the elder drow woman left the room.

Instead of freeing Ereltree from her doubts, the incident from a few weeks ago had made her whole life even worse. Now nothing could make her forget what she did not want to know, not even the most intense prayers to Lolth or the hardest punishments. Every night in her dreams she saw the eyeless skeletal face of the tortured priestess looking at her, accusing her, it seemed. It was the mysterious silver-haired apparition's understanding smile which haunted her even during the day, though.

The dark elven woman didn't want to whip the svirfneblin, in fact, she even hated herself for hurting the helpless individual, but she had to, there was no other way.

One more time the Hlaghym woman struck out, intending to put all her frustration into the blow and – hesitated. Ereltree looked at the flayed deep gnome who was bruised all over his body and bleeding from several wounds. It had been her who had knocked him about like this, and for no better reason than she had gotten the doubtful honor to execute his punishment today.

Why? Why did life seem so senseless, so wrong suddenly? Without any further delay the drow woman walked out of the room, running on her way back to her chamber, where she slammed the door shut and collapsed on the floor, crying desperately.

How long she lay there, crying, Ereltree could not tell. The tears seemed to wash away a part of her desperation, giving her relief, leaving nothing but an inner emptiness. Almost forgotten were the drow woman's conscious thoughts, she wanted to sleep, nothing more. She longed to forget about the meeting this evening and her ordination tomorrow.

The meeting! The Hlaghym noble froze. She wasn't sure if anyone would miss her if she just skipped it, but what if the High Priestess remembered her? Ereltree looked into her mirror and shook her head. She couldn't go in a state like this, of course. Dark elves didn't cry, showing weakness was _ouwaela*_, and the fool perished sooner or later. Sighing, the drow woman filled a bowl with fresh water, hoping that washing her face would help. It had to be enough, there wasn't much time left.

It was the moment Ereltree had finished washing when she saw the picture again. Deep inside the water bowl, the beautiful dark elven woman was dancing again, an inviting smile on her face. The same foreign landscape, the same bright silver lights the Hlaghym woman knew so well. Still too agitated to protest she just stared at the scene.

_You should not suffer like this._

The voice was as soft and friendly as were the words, but Ereltree, blaming whoever sent her this visions for her bad mood, decided to be angry.

"It's all because of you," she hissed, "cursed phantom!"

_It was your own choice, it always is. Open your heart and you will be free._

"Didn't you promise to stay away?" Ereltree grumbled, annoyed.

_Yes, if you insist. Do you want me to leave you forever?_

"Leave. Stay. My life is senseless anyway. How am I supposed to ever forget…," the dark elven woman responded, trying to sound and feel enraged, but only partly succeeding, "you spoiled everything. I would kill you if only I could."

_I want to help you._

"Help me?" Ereltree spat the words sarcastically. "Like you already did 'help' me?" Hadn't it been her own fault though? She hadn't even tried to accept what might have been an offer to help her.

_There is another way._

"No," Ereltree snarled, more to convince herself than for any other reason, "there isn't." A drow female had to be ambitious and cruel, there was no other way, not in Menzoberranzan. _Not in Menzoberranzan_… A sudden thought almost came through, but it was so disturbing that Ereltree forced it aside, panicked.

_You know what I mean._

Part of her knew already, but the dark elven woman who hadn't known anything but the life of a typical drow for decades fought what she didn't want to realize. She could leave Menzoberranzan, the town which never would be a true home for her at any time.

"No one will stop me from doing what I want to do!" In a desperate try to cling to the only way of living she had ever known, Ereltree shouted, insisting on what she didn't really believe anymore.

"I haven't spent fifty years of my life learning the rituals to worship the Spider Queen for nothing. I haven't worked so hard to give up now and miss my ordination and the graduation ceremony! And you… you can't force me to do anything, you're nothing more than… nothing."

_It's your choice and yours alone._

The truth of it struck Ereltree harder than a whiplash could have done. It had always been her own decision. The visions never had ordered her to do anything. She had tried to ignore them, yet the voice and the pictures had come back, over and over again. It was hard to understand how anyone or anything could be so patient. By Lolth, why? In drow society, you got orders, not choices, and you never got a second chance. "But why," Ereltree whispered, more to herself than to the presence, "Why trying so hard? I even didn't listen for so many years…"

_You might have tried hide it even from yourself, but you never were happy with your life, that much was obvious. You might have told me to go away, but I felt that you wanted me to stay at the same time . Not everyone gives up a chosen person easily._

"Chosen? What do you mean? And why me?" The still-young drow noble asked both the voice and herself.

_You are special._

No one had ever called Ereltree special. They had called her names in those earlier times when she had helped others. Had she been an idiot then or done the right thing? Weird, yes, and foolish, those terms being even compliments compared to some other words they had used. But special?

It was true that she always had been different. She didn't know the word, as there is no drow word for "compassion". She only knew that she was, and would always be, an outsider. That she would have to act and do things she hated, that she would have to hide her inner self for the rest of her life if she wanted to stay in Menzoberranzan and survive. Did she want to stay? The drow woman wasn't sure anymore. The prospect of giving up everything she had ever known was scary but intriguing at the same time.

_You deserve to be free._

To be free… A dark elf never was free, not among others whose ambition and hunger for power had enslaved and made them blind. Ereltree closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. Yes, she wanted to be free, she wanted to leave all this madness behind her.

What to do once she had left, though? The dark elven apprentice wondered. "Of what use can I be and of what use would my own life be out there all alone?"

_There are others who deserve to be free, who might need your help, and not all of them are drow._

Suddenly, it struck her like thunder. The pictures, the voice… there had to be an entity behind them, and there was only one the Hlaghym noble could think of.

"Are you… are you… Eilistraee?" she solemnly asked, awestruck, raising her head.

There was only silence, but Ereltree didn't need an answer anyway. Be it Eilistraee herself or not, did it really make any difference? She, Ereltree Hlaghym, believed in her own visions now and who else than the Goddess of the good drow herself could have sent them? Ereltree looked into the bowl once more. The picture was gone, as was the voice, nevertheless she had made her decision. Now that she had admitted to herself that the life of a priestess of Lolth was not what she desired, Ereltree felt like a burden had been taken from her. Like she was free for the first time of her life.

The meeting was horrible. Finding comfort in the thought that it was for the last time of her life she listened to the instructions of the High Priestess, putting on a cruel smile whenever one would expect it from an ambitious drow woman. How was it possible that she had played this game for so long? With her heart opened the Hlaghym woman finally recognized that she hated everything of her former life. Following tomorrow's schedule only halfheartedly, Ereltree still could not believe that she didn't have to care any more. She was free at last.

She had to flee tonight or never. Tomorrow, during the graduation ceremony, the others would be too busy with their own ordinations, inhaling the dazing incense and getting themselves the young males from Melée-Magthere, the fighting academy, and Sorcere, the school of the Arcane Arts, that they wanted. With just a bit of luck no one would miss a younger daughter from a lesser house or even try to find her. What came in even more handy was the fact, that this year, it was 5000 years after Menzoberra the Kinless had founded the town, resulting in events and festivities every here and there.

Silently and quickly she rummaged through her personal belongings to choose the items she might need. Her staff, healing potions, dried rothé meat and a small pouch she never had seen before. It contained half a dozen light pellets and a stone Continual Light had been cast on.

After she had added clothes to her backpack, Ereltree dressed and wrapped herself in her piwafwi cloak which would hide her body warmth from the heat-sensitive eyes of her fellow drow and some other, maybe even more dangerous Underdark denizens.

Before she abandoned Menzoberranzan, there was an important task left to her, though. She had to do it, or her memories and bad conscience would haunt her till the moment she would take her last breath. Ereltree, having been in charge for the punishment only a few hours ago, remembered the location of the keys she needed well enough.

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><p>ouwaela - foolishness<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

The svirfneblin, having regained consciousness only a few moments ago, stared at the drow woman, panicked.

"Forgive me for what I did to you, it was wrong. You don't deserve to be treated like this. You deserve to be free. Go now, run! I'll pray for you that they never will catch you again."

The deep gnome, too confused to react, just continued staring. How, By the Stones, was he supposed to take the drow's words seriously? It had to be a trick. The next punishment would be even harder, but why was the dark elf smiling at him so kindly then? And why were all the doors and his cage open? No, it had to be one of their cruel games. The dark elves were a wicked lot, so he prepared himself to suffer even more painful punishment.

"Go! Run! Flee! There's not much time left…"

Grygax, still almost incapable of truly believing that destiny would grant him that much luck, didn't need to hear the unusual drow woman's words for a second time. Running was out of order for the moment, but he was able to move at least. He struggled hard to stand on his own feet again after weeks of torture, and finally he succeeded. Nothing happened. The dark elven woman just smiled.

"You really let me go? Me and my folk will remember you forever."

"May Eilistraee bless you!"

It was the only answer he got. Happy beyond words, Grygax stumbled first, then walked out of his prison. He left the building running, hurrying towards his home village and a future he never would have hoped his destiny ever would grant him again.

No one noticed the lonely figure of the the young female who now never would become a Priestess of Lolth when she finally left Menzoberranzan, never to come back. _Where shall I go now_, Ereltree pondered, _where can I hide?_ A picture came to mind, a sudden knowledge, not a voice this time, it rather resembled an intuitive revelation.

"The surface? Isn't that too dangerous a place? The surfacers will hunt me down and kill me."

_There are others like you and places to hide from prejudiced surfacers aplenty. Follow me, and I will show you the way to the moonlight._

The foreign landscape from her visions had been of awesome beauty. There were no words to properly describe how much Ereltree longed to reach this place, to live there. She set off, an unseen might quickening her pace.

She would reach the surface in a few weeks and stay there for almost three centuries, dancing under the moonlight and helping other good-hearted drow to convert to her new faith, to praise the Goddess who now meant everything to her: Eilistraee.

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><p>THE END<p> 


End file.
